Tessy was asked by her mother why she was still single. Guess her reply… ‘Mr Right’ is still searching for me’. One would wonder what made her give that reply. However, when I gave that a thought, I realized that she made a point. Some would say, if ‘Mr Right’ isn’t ready, take ‘Mr Left’ to the right and marry him, that settles it. Does that really settle it? The answer is ‘NO’. That takes us to the reality of marriage.
Many marriages aren’t working today because a lot of people decided to manage whomever was ready, not who they were convinced about. Deep down their hearts, they knew they were not the right kind of people for them, they are not even emotionally attracted to them nor did they find them interesting to live with, they just had to marry them because they felt they had no choice, probably because they were getting older and no one else was serious about marrying them, or that particular person seeking their hand in marriage is a big catch (affluent, learned, industrious). Some people could be much younger to have waited as age was on their sides but because they watch their mates flaunt their sparkling wedding rings, make noise about their wedding and also for the fear of being relegated by their married friends, they impulsively accept a proposal, talk about their own engagement as competitors and finally get married. What happens to the later is that the reality of marriage takes them unawares, and they are ready to jump out since they had not even set their minds at managing their differences with their spouses.
There are basics to be considered before going into a marital union. Before I mention them, I’ll first of all ask a fundamental question. Why do you really want to marry that man or that woman? If your reason is a self-centered one, then you shouldn’t go on with that marriage. Marriage is not a comfort zone where any self-centered individual plans to build his castle. It is an opportunity for two responsible adults to work in honesty and sincerity of heart towards building lives for the good of them and the society, so if you are not ready to build any life, kindly, wait until you are.
Now, the basics. The man or the woman you plan to take as your spouse, do you have any emotional attachment for him? No matter how some deny the necessity of love in marriage, the truth is that whether we call it love or not, we need some level of affection in order to live peacefully with our spouse so that when we see no other reason to continue, that affection will help to some extent be a reason to persevere, except for the extreme cases (e.g life threatening cases). Secondly, is the man or woman you are set to marry the right kind of person? If you can’t bear the smell of burning cigarettes, why should you accept to marry a smoker? If you can’t take blows and battering, why should you accept to marry someone who has attempted battering you? If being lied to makes you lose trust entirely, why should you accept to marry him/her after having issues with him/her severally for lying to you? The last is honesty. Honesty is key. People should not in a bid to get married become fake or feign what they are not. Whom you are is enough. The best kind of human beings are those who show their real personalities; the bad and the good traits, just as natural as they are. These people have a high tendency of working on their bad traits and becoming better people, than those who prove to be all good, but are wolves in sheep’s clothing, they will not change for better because they claim to be good and need no therapy, and once they have gotten what they are looking for, their real characters show. Be careful with people who are all smiles and all easy going both when necessary and when not. No matter how much you love someone, care about them or have worked on your character, you can’t be perfect, and that means that once in a while, you will have a different opinion and may be react. Now, how you react is what makes the difference.
Finally, mutual ‘love’ is the ultimate need.